Black in the Workplace

Again, as always random thoughts and babbles...

So  was walking during lunch today and was thinking about my employment. I am the only black person at my job. Not only at the location I work in but in general with all locations included. Texas, Ohio, Florida, even El Salvador. I am IT. We have Nexus in 22 states and I am the one and only African American person. I have been for now 7 years-- when I started we had one other black person, a guy who worked at the warehouse. Interestingly when I first started here it was inventory time so my first days were at the warehouse. Upon completion of inventory I am to the office and the first thing that was said to me was "Oh you work here? I thought you would be working in the warehouse". I'm not sure if she meant it really the way I took it but I have always been offended by that comment. Not only because my first day at the warehouse I was in a dress and heals (unknowingly that it was inventory and I did manage to get a change of clothing). But I think maybe that should have prompted me for these years to come. I got over that moment and kept working. Mastering my craft here but along the way there have been so many times that I felt the "because I'm black" moments. Just to name a few

1. As mentioned above, people thinking there was no way a black woman would be hired here in corporate versus the warehouse

2. Hair- OMG you COULDN'T even imagine half of the hair comments I have gotten. "Your dreds are awesome"-- Dreds? I have not ever had dreds in my entire being. I have had individual BRAIDS, but never dreds. I was stopped once at a copier "Oh, I watched a youtube video this weekend on braiding hair, I just don't know how you guys do it".... my reply "neither do I! Because I don't do it!" And the "Is this your real hair?" question.... geesh! I wore a afro ponytail one day and was told how "authentic" I look.

3. Black Lives Matter. I hold a person I work with very dear to my heart, or at least I once did.... we all know the stories behind black lives matter and if you don't come from under a rock... anyway I was in a meeting and it was brought up and a person I really like yelled, "I'm sick of this black lives matter crap, all lives matter not just them". I was floored, one person in the office looked at me for response, what do I do? Thank God for anti depressants because it allowed me to keep my job? All respect went completely out the door for that person. That was a few years ago but... as recently as yesterday in a meeting next to my office the discussion of Gucci's clothing fiasco came up and the CEO was trying to get ahead of the "shackle ring" that one of our customers just asked us to produce... I could hear him saying how Gucci had upset a lot of "Black Americans" and the same lady says "Screw them, this is America, White people get upset every day"-- then the door closed. I'm not sure what his response was but apparently it wasn't shock, but I know he was aware I can hear everything in that conference room and to not offend me, he closed the door...

4. Shootings of unarmed black people.... since we are discussing BLM. Trayvon Martin-- a person I knew was a bit racist (you know the kind that borderline says things) completely defended Zimmerman-- even on anti depressants I didn't allow that one to pass. How dare she criminalize an unarmed black teen minding his own business Needless to say it was rather quiet in my area after that. There have never been discussions of police brutality here. They ignore it, if it comes on the news they change the channel. I realized a few years back, their turning of heads is why racism still exist, no one wants to address it.

5. Obama. I don't even think I need to get into details right? I have heard the most disrespectful stuff ever-- including what I have heard about Trump-- about Obama, mostly from the above person.

6. Movies. OH MY GOD. Hidden Figures...... I was approached during a lunch meeting, sat down next to, hands touching my arm as she told the story of her son watching Hidden Figures and how "he cried"...... I'm looking around the table like, there are 8 other people here, why are you touching me and looking at me sympathetically??? I mean it was SO very-- blatant. At the time this was my "newly assigned" manager. She went from the movie reference to coming and sitting at my desk and talking about how "diverse" her kids school is and that's why she loves it because its almost 80 percent Asian..... ummmmm... ok? Random racial situations poured in for about a month from her But again what do I do? She is the CEOs buddy, they are cracking up together, lunch together meetings together, and of course I would be the one who "understood it wrong"

7. Conflict. Oh conflict in the workplace is always... touchy... with said person above there ended up being a conflict, how do I not come off as the angry black woman? Its impossible. Sitting in the meeting and having all the VP men look at me in such a way that I KNEW their thoughts was horrible and degrading and her placing my job as a "peon" ... made me update my resume.

8. Materialistic.... Apparently, as a black woman I also cant have certain things. I eloped in March 2016 and I did not begin to tell anyone until August 2016, and I didn't even tell my job until 2017. Now mind you I have a gorgeous wedding ring, I do, its 2 carats total and it looks every bit of it. (my initial ring was nice, I still have it, I will cherish it forever because it was what he could afford, this ring is my anniversary upgraded ring) So anyway 2017 we went and picked out rings for our 2018 anniversary. In 2018 two other ladies were engaged and married. Beautiful rings, one I swear larger than mine. There were tons of congratulations going around and all of that. We were all celebrating kinda back to back for them. After one gathering I was approached at my desk and I could tell it was something sneaky, so she came over "just to say hello" (from her office on the other side of the building). She walked up while I was working and says "wow nice ring". I told her thank you, she comes in closer and says " now wait that cant be real right? That's fake" I immediately got pissed, yes the hell it is real! "And your husband is disabled right" I just stared at her "Oh well I just have this little ole band" Okay well that's you... she walked away... so I asked the other ladies, did she ask you if your ring was real--- "of course not" then recognizing the look on my face, "oh but you know whats her she probably didn't mean anything by it" YES she did. Before that was my new car "Oh that's not your car is it?"- completely different person. SO I cant have a nice car or a nice ring apparently.

9. Trust. So I am also not trusted. My favorite manager was let go and all his responsibilities were given to another person. They gave me NONE. Everything was handed off to a person who was here 3 years less than myself. I eventually gained access only because she went on maternity leave HOWEVER I was still given limited and even to this day there are closed doors behind things happening around here. No I don't need to know everything however there are only two of us in this department, I know my job and hers, she doesn't know mine... Once in a meeting, they were going over how they would be dealing with a financial situation and the person on skype was "hushed" because the other ears in the room needed not to be privileged to what he was saying.... I was the only other ears in the room... (that time I wasn't sure if he didn't want me to know what they were doing was borderline illegal, or if he thought I just really shouldn't know the profits of the company)

10. PAY. Oh y'all knew I was going to touch on this right? I AM the lowest paid person here and its not guessing its fact. I worked our HR for 3 months. I have seen every one's pay. I am also only 1 of 2 people who have to clock in and am not salary. I have been here now 8 years and even new hires make more money than I do.

They love me because I work hard, or maybe the love me because I keep the from not having a single minority in the office. Now we did have someone who was Asian here during my time but that was short lived.

I actually have so many stories in these few years that I just cant even begin to tell you. The looks when certain things go on. The everyone gets to take food home but watch her because she'll take it all. Oh yeah we've had moments where food was offered and I got the exact same amount as the lady in front of me and was whispered about.

You would think after reading this I cant stand my job, the sad part is I love my job, I love it here. I have had things come up in life that they have been extremely helpful and extremely patient with... sometimes, however, I  hate that they don't see my color but I hate that they do see my color.

Working where you are the only minority, the only diversity is a very thin line. You have a family to feed, a horrible economy when it comes to finding a job (I'm watching my friends do this now).

And as I said I love my job I do, but sometimes man, I sit and reflect....